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The current year signifies a ten-year milestone since the term “vanishing” entered the mainstream. Initially, the idea that someone could instantly end all contact with a romantic interest without any notice seemed like the pinnacle of indignity. How naive we were. In the 10 years since, navigating toward a significant other has only become more bewildering – an oftentimes fruitless pursuit in embarrassment that is increasingly pigeonholed by social media slang.

Generation Z, a cohort who grew up during a loneliness crisis, a masculinity reckoning, and a widespread assault on the freedoms of women and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a infinitely more complex environment than their millennial elders could ever fathom. And so their romantic lexicon has grown more extensive and more bizarre, with terms like “Ogre-ing” and “monkey branching” straining the boundaries of your mental fortitude.

Below is a comprehensive breakdown to the phrases this generation is using to talk about love, sex and the search of both. To channel one of the year’s most enduring online sayings, by the end of this guide you’ll yearn to get back to simpler times – because wherever that is, it doesn’t have “ideological catfishing”.

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The Letter A

Realness – For gen Z, dating’s gold standard is showing up as your true, raw self. Best wishes with that!

The Letter B

Bird theory – A social media test inspired by a framework developed by couples researchers, in which you point out something trivial – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and note whether your partner’s response is inquisitive or dismissive. If they show no desire to hear more about the bird, you two are not compatible.

Independent partner – Gen Z’s answer to the “quirky fantasy girl” stereotype of the early 2000s – but instead of having short fringe, liking indie music and eschewing commitment, the black cat girlfriend puts herself first while oozing mystery and independence. (She might still have baby bangs.)

C

Seat theory – This signifies going for someone who supports you without being asked. If you walked into a room, they would pull up a chair for you to take a load off.

Choremance – A meet-up where two people bond while doing chores, such as walking the dog or food shopping. In other words, how financially strained young adults do affordable romance in a inflation-era world.

Crashing out – Having a breakdown when you feel overwhelmed by life. You can crash out over a crush or split, venting all of your (unrequited) feelings.

The Letter D

Dink – Dual income no kids. Once a signifier of 1980s yuppie excess, it describes partners who choose against parenthood to focus on their own well-being. Or because they are unable to afford to become parents.

E

Vulnerable signaling – The opposite of being guarded: utilizing dialogue, honesty and vulnerability.

The Letter F

Flags

• Warning signs – Personal traits indicating a prospective partner is bad news. Examples include calling their former partners crazy, poor tipping habits, a love of controversial director films, a new DJ career …
• Good indicators – These traits validate your choice to pursue a mate. For instance checking in to make sure you got home safely after a date, low phone use, having a bed frame …
• Odd but harmless traits – These usually describe niche, mostly benign quirks. Examples include being an enthusiastic birdwatcher, still keeping a pen in their bag, paying rent in cash …

Niche bonding – When you find someone who’s just as enthusiastic about documentaries about the WWII or physical media hoarding or art or whatever it may be, as you. Or, conversely, meeting someone who hates the same things or individuals that you do (few things creates closeness faster than sharing a nemesis).

G

The band Geese – A band a typical Zoomer guy is into.

Zombie-ing – Someone who reappears into your life after a length of silence.

Golden retriever boyfriend – Someone who is affable, eager to please and devoted. The uncommon partner who is liked by all of his partner’s friends, and a black cat girlfriend's counterpart.

Gooners – A primarily online subculture of men so preoccupied with self-pleasure that they attempt extended sessions, deliberately postponing orgasm so they can continue as long as possible.

H

Pessimistic straight dating – A trend describing many women's increasing pessimism toward heterosexual relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

Manosphere archetype – An ideal championed by manosphere figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, ever-comforting and contentedly home-oriented, who apparently has no aspirations of her own other than satisfying her man partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to see the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

I

Ick factors – Arbitrary and often mundane repulsions that instantly kill any sense of interest.

“He would if he cared" – Something to keep in mind after you watch someone else receive an incredibly sweet gesture.

The Letter J

Jobs – These have not been this crucial in the dating scene since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “banker” is the ultimate catch: a fleece-vest-wearing, Republican-coded guy who will be a provider (there’s a hit TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd opt for partners in sectors they see as being staffed by the more emotionally available among us: nurses, teachers or therapists.

The Letter K

Locking lips – This year, researchers learned that kissing has been around for 16 million years. But the era of locking lips may be limited since some gen Z prefer fewer sex scenes in film, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find onscreen intimacy realistic.

Light catfishing – Mild deception. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using older (better) pictures of yourself on a online profile, or making your career sound more prestigious than it is. Also known as {